Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
