I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
