The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
