my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
