11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
