I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
