Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
