After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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