I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
