shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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