This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
