talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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