so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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