My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
