Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
