I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
