my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
