Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
They took my balls.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
