I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
