sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
