i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
