didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
