apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
