You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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