then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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