Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Randomize
