3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
