He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My ass is underappreciated
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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