I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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