Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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