Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
