what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
