is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
