He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
