I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
