is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
