my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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