"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize