get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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