1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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