nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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