someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize