I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
