Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
