Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
