I just made out with a guy for $7.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
