I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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