end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
