I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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