youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize