I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
