i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
