I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
